


One Last Time

by myotpisnotstraight



Category: Gravity Falls, billdip - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 13:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8669743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myotpisnotstraight/pseuds/myotpisnotstraight
Summary: As he waits at the altar, with a proud yet tender gaze.As he seeks the person he loves the most.As he smiled nervously with tears brimming.Oh-How I wish that I was the one he was looking at.As she walks down the aisle, with a sweet longing gaze.As she meets the person she loves the most.As she giggle by the nervousness of the other.Oh-How I wish that I was at his feet.





	

A kiss with those tender lips, how long have I been needing those?

With a sigh of frustration, he placed the pencil on the desk. His frustration is getting bigger and worse as that day comes into place. The room of his is dim lit, only receiving light coming from the lamp beside his desk. The windows are closed, curtains closed. Letting no light come inside in such gloomy room of his'. No one will even scold him. Nobody will anymore. The thought left such a heavy sour taste on his mind. He haven't eaten for three days straight. Not like he isn't used to it. College is hell. It wont let you eat such as; he hasn't even taken some sort of a liquid substance to keep his body dehydrated. Its surprising he is still alive and has an inspiration to make lovesick poetries, sad yet intimate songs and had a sketch paper only be fulled by broken hearts and love puking quotes. If his college mates will see these, he will be a laughing stock. But he didn't cared about any of those. He cared mostly is someone, the date, the love of his life. The man groaned, running his slender fingers in his messy blond hair. His arms folded, leaning on the desk. Shoving his head on the space between the folded arms. He was in depression. Or so, he is in depression. His eyes that seemingly glow in the dark with unique golden orbs, are now dull, puffy looking eyes. His eyes we're quite red. It was horrible to look at. He has been crying for over, like, three days. That is why he haven't eaten nor taken a bath. He probably smells like Davy Jones locker by now.

The man's name is Bill Cipher, a 24 year old. At his fourth year in college, a bit aged. He dropped out for a couple of years, rebellious.

His throat is dry, almost like the Sahara Desert is currently staying at his organ. He couldn't talk nor even breath from his throat but needed since the nose is also connected to the throat, if he stopped breathing, he'll die. But he always reconsider. There's always something that kept him from killing himself. Although, he perfectly know what is. His room is huge pile of mess. Papers scattered on the floor, bed in ragged, clean and dirty clothes everywhere. If he came in and saw this mess, he will surely explode in fit of anger and spat out a huge statement of curses and an hour for scolding. Even if its annoying, he would love to hear and see the man again.

Oh- how I loved that angry face

And even how once, he had an unusually high fever and that man have to skip his classes and take care of him. Feeding him with his home cooked soups, tucking him to bed like a small child, staying beside his bed to only see if he needs anything else. He was careful, about everything. He wasn't near anything to perfection but he was perfect for him. How he constantly show a sweet smile, while that unique birthmark is hiding behind those brown locks on his forehead. It curious him if that is really a on born thing. Though, he said it is.

The thumping of his heart increases as the memories flashed all together in his head. He hated his head or so, brain. There was no more tears on his eyes. Yet, he still wanted to cry. Anything. Please, spill out. He begged internally. He pleaded into nothing less. He whimpered. He wanted him to comfort him, hug him, whisper sweet things on his ear. Saying everything will be alright. But no voice came. Especially no one came. Who would? Nobody notices him, if someone will, if he is only needed. He was never a want to anybody, not by his parents. Not by his close friends. Especially not by the girls he courted. And yet, when he is losing all hope. He came. He never knew he was blessed by such a man.

Oh- how will I see those eyes the same?

It takes real courage to kill these annoying, pestering yet amazing feeling he have. He only wished that he can live without emotions anymore. Besides, whats the point of emotions if no one will care about the expressions you'll make? Whats the point of life if no one will make your days colorful and happier? It was such a dark thought, it was saddening. He could almost went mad by this idiotism. Letting his sanity slip away, knowing he has no chance anymore to see him. If he got to be with him again, for an hour or even just by 20 minutes. He would love that. He would tell him this feeling he have. The brick to brick, wood by wood wall of his, he'll be breaking it down and will tell him, hug him and maybe, if he have enough confidence as he always do, kiss him. Kiss those sweet lips. He always wondered what taste is it.

Bill choked on the words he wanted to whimper, to scream on top of a mountain. It was killing him, bit by bit and it is pretty. He chewed on his lower lip, trying to keep in his sickly stifle cries.

Oh- how I miss your hot yet tender touch above my skin

A rail of poems ran passed by his mind, he should be writing these though. Then, he'll send this to that man without any identification and every day he'll just kept accepting these lovesick poems and songs he made. He wasn't like this. He's a cool, funny and very handsome guy! Yet one person made him like this and it was a real turn over the edge and poof, the new Bill has he made. And he hated being changed by one person, he normally moves on since he had a lot of lovers but now. . . no. That man is different, that man is wonderful, and that man is going to be the death of his. How laughable, how idiotical. That's what will everyone say it will be. But who cares?

Suddenly, there was knocking on his door. Bill quickly whipped his head up, pushing his ass out of the chair. Was it him? Is it him? With an ignite under his feet, he ran, approaching the white wooden door with his hopeful eyes. His heart beating loudly under his chest, if this continue, his ribs might break. And that wont be beautiful, now wouldn't it? He took a huge gulp of air in his throat, pushing a load of energy, hope, very much so, hope.

"P-P. . -ine. . .!"

Bill squeaked and pulled the door open. He was utterly froze, eyes still widen but lost his hope. His broken smile turned into a shattered frown. He felt his energy, the ignition died down without a doubt. He shook, narrowing away his eyes from the woman in front of his room.

"Bill? Are you alright?"

It was Mabel Pines, the man's older twin sister. It was a surprise that she's here at America, she was studying at France. A scholarship, a huge one though. But Bill met her before she left since the university she goes in has a late start of school. Her beauty never faltered that's for sure. Her brown chestnut locks stayed until her waist, with the unmistakably cowlick at her hair that seemed never to go down. As an amateur designer, she wore a magenta sleeveless dress, that ended until her knees. On top is a purple short cotton jacket. At her waist is a white thick belt with a pair with her shoes, white doll shoes. She has a brown sling bag over her one shoulder. Her expression are frozen in worry, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion but that expression disappeared away once she knew what had happened. "Oh, Bill. . ." She whispered in gentle tone.

Bill didn't muttered a word and opened the door for her, he wouldn't let a lady come all the way here just to be slammed shut by a door right on her perfectly face. Mabel stepped inside and noticed how the whole room is. She cringed by the smell but she wont back down because of that, besides, she shared a room with her twin brother anyway. She know. Without even Bill muttering a word again, the woman sat at the room's small couch with a puff of air out of her throat. "I'm not your Mother or anything but, this is horribly disgusting and I wish you'll clean your room." She scolded in a joking matter, trying to lift up his spirits. But that doesn't seem to work with Bill now. Happiness. What is humor anyways?

"Wha. ." Bill croaked, his throat undeniably dry. He massaged it, up and down on front. "You doing here. . ?" He muttered, remaining to stand up by the door. If he needed to kick her out, then he shall do it. Whats the point anyways? Its already planned. About two months and so- that was the hardest part. He didn't knew and that killed him.

Mabel glanced at Bill, up to his messy golden locks until his jaggy sweat pants. It was obvious to her that he haven't showered. But that didn't meant to her in anyways. She cleared her throat. "Since that day is coming near. . I went back here to you know, see the ceremony, give my regards and other bunch of shit." She muttered, she has a sour feeling in her chest too. A thought of losing that twin brother, she felt proud yet deeply sorrowed.

"So, what?"

"So-" She narrowed her chocolate eyes on him, Bill trembled by those eyes. He can see him. He can see the silhouette of him by those same colored doe eyes. He wanted to look away but felt himself being drowned. "I wanted to check on you, Bill. I may be agreed by that but I still care about your feelings, because they still matter until now, okay?" She further explained, gentle as she can. She doesn't want him yelling and cursing or else, she'll snap.

Bill twitched. He clenched his fists at his sides. He has to calm down or else a rail of emotional breakdown will come. That wont be manly to look at it, now wont it? He let out a shaky laugh and looked up with a broken smile he has. "What are you saying, Mabel? I don't get it! I told you, I'm fine and my sentiments are long gone! Don't get too attached to something dumb, as they say!" He chirped, he was clearly forcing himself. Between phrases are forced laughs, and every letter is a forced up beat chirp.

And Mabel have to hold her right hand to suppress the urge of punching the shit out of the blond she is talking to. But she understand what he is going through, going here and wanted to know more. Must be something so laughable, ridiculous. Who knows? Heck. No one knows. She breathed in, a huge one. "Bill. Please. You don't have to lie to me!" She raised her voice by the end.

"Who says I'm lying?"

"Its obvious by your tear marks."

"I'm asking 'who' not 'what'."

"Don't your dare put such tone on me!"

"You are clearly not my mother!"

Clearly, Mabel was already standing up, a strain on her expression and tense muscles on her limbs and arms. She clicked her tongue, clenched her hands. Anger is boiling in. But she didn't came here for an argument. She wanted talk. Just, talk.

"Look, Bill, I---"

"I'm fine!!" Bill yelled, his head lowered down and a grim tone is visible on his voice. He had enough. He doesn't want this. He don't; he clenched his jaw. "He's happy now. Then, I'm happy for him. I should knew all along that I'm not for him, I really am just hoping and still hoping until now for him to come back. But I know he wont. He wouldn't!" He pressed every word that is spat on his mouth. His throat is dry until now and felt piercing pain stabbing inside and out as he yell. He felt horrible. For lying to Mabel. For lying to his self. It was truly horrible and leaves a bad taste on his tongue. He didn't even noticed, tears we're already streaming down on his cheeks once again, quite a fall too. He gasped quietly, trying to wipe away the tears but still kept falling. He never felt so vulnerable. So weak. So fragile. How can such a person make him cry like this?

Mabel was stunned when she saw him cry. She knew that he is crying but the look, the actual live of him crying. She felt her heart break into dozen of pieces. She trembled by that as she took shaky steps towards him. "I-I. . Bill. . ." She has no words for comfort of a broken heart soul. But, she remembered once, she was rejected and that man hugged her, without saying any words. Her eyes harden, determine. She swallowed a lump and approached him, spreading her arms and knotted it around his waist, tightly as she can.

Please. . I'm sorry. . .

A wail of broken sobs is heard inside the lit up room. Bill doesn't want a hug from someone else, unless its him. But he knew he wouldn't be getting such embraces from now on. He knew that much and it pains him. He let himself cry on top of the brunette's head, almost imagining that its him.

"I love him. . I really do. I-I. . should h-have told him. . right? I'm such a- fucking dumb ass. . . I really a-am. . aren't I?" He stammered, trying to talk. Trying to be okay. Trying to be normal. But-

Mabel gulped, she sighed shakily. She was starting to cry too. She felt the heavy burden he has on her shoulders too, she was a huge dumb ass too. She was away too much and now, all of this. All of this shit. She felt so useless. "I know. ." She croaked, lips trembling. "I know you love him. But, this is about his happiness now, Bill. Fate gave you a long period of time to tell him but you didn't. You should have told him, dear. I'm sorry. I wish I could just, turn back time. But we cant. I'm really. . sorry. . ." Her hands clenched at his back, she was trying her very best to keep in the cries. The screams. The idiotism she had done.

Bill hesitantly nodded. He sobbed. It must be annoying to repeat it but he is broken. His heart is. Will it ever mend it again? He muttered a name, between his muffled cries.

". . D-Dipper. . ."

*=*

The Date

It was a beautiful day, a perfect day to get hitch up with the one you wanted to be with for the rest of your life. The sun is clouded by the puffy clouds. The chapel is bustling by the awaited ceremony. The families of the groom and bride as their audience, witnessing how beautiful and just gorgeous this place is.

As for Bill, he stands at the side of the groom, his hands folded at the back. A broken smile is formed at his lips. His hair that is messy and tangled just the other day is now combed and slightly slicked back. Although some of his bangs are falling down. He was wearing a tuxedo and a special bow tie. He shuddered. Everything made clear right in front of his eyes. Everyone is happy for the new soon-to-be husband and wife. Yet, here he is. Wanting to wish happiness also but, cant. He couldn't.

Mabel is by other end of the aisle, wearing her very own inspired dress. She made the dresses for the flower girls, and of course, for the bride also. She doesn't feel this all right. It seems. . . so, very wrong. She should be happy for that man, yet this churning pain on her stomach is unbearable. It continued ever since the engaged couple has announced their wedding and is asking for her to be the one to make the outfits, what's best in here and the planning. Yes, she definitely always wanted to plan a perfect wedding and should be delighted that the visitors and family loved the design and the places. Yet here she is, getting ready to walk down the aisle with a forced out smile. She is the last girl at the line, she holds the small bouquet with lilies and daisies in different colors. She can catch a glimpse from the back, her lips collapsed into a thin frown. The man who is at the front is her younger twin, he has fluffy chocolate brown hair, his bangs slightly slicked back. He is standing tall with a gaze of passion and nervousness, his left hand at his back and right at his side. He has a loving sweet smile on his lips. He is proud, he is happy. Dipper is getting married. To who?

In the silent yet bustling air inside the chapel, came a delightful music of wedding march. The people waited silently as they stood up, gazing at the back. To witness the flowers girls, ring bearer, and others. Once they started walking, the people is at awed by the little girls and boys and so as the ladies and gentlemen. She took a breath in, she isn't nervous, she isn't getting emotional yet. She wanted at least to stand tall for her brother. It was unfair that he gotten married before her. But she guessed that this is a huge blessing, happiness for Dipper, that God had given to him. And she is thankful for the beautiful blessing. She doesn't want to get married for awhile, she wanted to focus on her career yet she wanted to be happy with someone. Before she knew it, it was her turn to walk down the red carpet with petals of flowers at the carpet. She nod and once again smiled, she took a step in and there. She felt the boisterous air, the celebration of the couple. She walked down, seeing her parents and also her friends and the bride's parents, friends and other companions. her gaze is locked at her brother, who is making a toothy grin. She found herself captivated and sighed shakily. As she turned to the right to her seat up the front. A complete view of the altar. And some what she felt cursed by having such seat near of it.

Once the others finished walking at the aisle, the music changed into a beautiful melody.

Bill wanted to look away, he was near of tears again. Just beside him is the man he always loved and cared for, the reason why until now he is still moving and breathing, the man who has a special meaning to his life: Dipper Pines. He looked handsome, he doesn't need to fix his hair, looking all so formal for the bride's family. He was perfect the way he is. He tried fixing his hair in a normal way, an excuse to let him touch his soft hair one last time. But the groom doesn't want it and slightly scolded him for it but the smile stayed at his lips, not even faltering. He swallowed. Time has slowed down.

Oh- how he wished that he is the one getting married to this man

The bride is here. She has a gorgeous white A-line dress, the top until her waist is fitted to the bride's body. Making a beautiful body shape. The bride's hair is fixed in a messy yet perfectly tied bun with adorn by a small little flowers around the bun,the long veil connected at the under of the bun. She is holding a huge bouquet of different kinds of flowers, in every color but mostly white. She has a pinkish cheeks and lips, perfectly suited with her ocean-like blue eyes. Her blonde hair perfectly tucked. Tears we're slowly starting to swell up.

Mabel felt her heart almost stop by the girl's sight. She's beautiful, very beautiful. Her heart ached. She shooked, a tear slid down her cheek. She wished that she's at Dipper's feet right now.

She loves Pacifica Northwest.

The groom is at awe. He felt so lucky to have such a kind-hearted and beautiful wife. He never knew the one he hated so much since childhood will be the one he'll be marrying right now. He made eye contact with his love. He smiled happily, cheeks quite flushed. He never felt so happy. The lady smiled back, full of sweetness and longing of that person's sweet words. He felt so loved by the people around him. Oh God, he never knew.

Bill clenched her jaw, stopping his inner voice to scream and cry. He looked away from the bride and stared at the groom, to Dipper. His lips trembled. Pacifica is very lucky, to have such a caring husband. He wished that he's at Pacifica's feet right now.

As the bride arrived at the altar, her father exchanged nods to the groom as the father gave the hand of his only daughter to the man he accepted. Pacifica sighed shakily as she held Dipper's warm hand, he seemed to sighed in relief also. They faced the priest with a longing gaze at the huge cross at the wall, between the color stained windows. The priest started to talk. But the couple seem at daze and only looked at each other's eyes.

Mabel gritted her teeth. She should be the one beside Pacifica. She was such a dumb ass. She knows what Bill felt, to be abandon, to be left out as the one you love walks away with someone they truly love. She was given a huge and long time to send her sentiments but none. She always knew that she wont love her back. And it pains her, it kills her.

Oh- how she wished that she could embrace you now

Bill didn't even took a glance to the sweet couple. He should be that one, who is beside Dipper. He should be the one making him happy. Not her. But he couldn't argue, this is the person that he loves the most and chosen her to be with him to their future. If his Pine Tree is happy with her, then he will not stop him from walking away but it still leave such sickening feeling on his chest. He couldn't move on.

Oh- how he wished that he would turn to his gaze

"You both can exchange your vows now."

The couple looked at each more properly this time. As the rings are given to them. Dipper is the one who has to vow first, he gently grabbed Pacifica's hand, he clears his throat. He was completely ready for this, he smiled.

"I, Dipper, choose you Pacifica to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what things I will discover. I will respect you as a person, a partner, and an equal. There is little to say that you haven't already heard, and little to give that is not already freely given. Before you asked me, I was yours and I am devoted to you in every way. I marry you with no hesitation or doubt, and my commitment to you is absolute. Do you take me to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

His gaze was intense but loving. He can feel tears started to come to his eyes, one tear slid down his cheek. Pacifica giggled and wiped the tears away from his eyes, she whispered. "Don't cry yet, idiot. You'll make me cry." Her voice is shaky, she was on the verge of crying too. Dipper nervously laughed, finally sliding the ring on her sweet finger. It shines so brightly.

Bill felt his whole world collapsed, burned down. He should be the one wiping the tears away.

"I, Pacifica take you, Dipper to be my husband. I promise to always be your biggest fan and your partner in crime. I promise to create and support a family with you, in a household filled with laughter, patience, understanding, and love. I vow not just to grow old together, but to grow together. I will love you faithfully through the difficult and the easy. What may come, I will always be there, each one believing that love never dies. As I have given you my hand to hold, so I give you my life to keep."

Her voice was shaky. nervous even. She felt so happy. She was the happiest bride on this whole world. She has a man in front of her, who will take care of her and will understand her even if it's annoying. She slid the ring on his sweet finger, tear slid down. Of course, Dipper wiped that away, mentioning; "Your make up will get ruined. You don't want that, right?" He teased.

Mabel wanted to yell to her twin. She is the only one who can be that close to her, not even him can replace her.

The priest nods by the vows with a soft smile. The couple took their each other's hands, standing tall.

"Do you, Dipper Pines, take Pacifica Northwest, as your lawfully wedded wife in sickness and health?"

Bill gasped quietly, he whipped his head to only see Dipper's small back. He bite his lower lip, hands trembling so hard that if he put it at the ground, the whole chapel might be vibrating. He begged. He begged to God. He begged to the whole universes and the deepest of Hell.

Please. For me. Please, Dipper. Say no. I love you so much. . .

He knew its dumb to beg. To hope one more time. Maybe he only had a misunderstanding. he didn't love her. He love him. But even if he sold his soul to Hell. The expected answer shall not be changed.

"I do, God. Yes."

The audience chuckled by the groom's energetic answer. Although Pacifica blushed by the answer, she knew he was teasing her again.

Bill's whole life is gone.

The priest turned to the bride, smiling greatly.

"Do you, Pacifica Northwest, take Dipper Pines, as your lawfully wedded husband in sickness and health?"

Mabel shut her eyes tightly, beads of sweat rolled down her forehead to her chin. She couldn't take this anymore. She was breaking, she was being torn apart. Her breathing is harsh. She felt horrible, so terrified, so guilty. She felt so defenseless.

Pacifica. . Say no, please. . . I love you, if only I could turn back time. .

She is a huge idiot, now she knows. She has smarts but her feelings, she couldn't make it straight. Heck, she wasn't a straight anymore. But she didn't care. She wanted Pacifica with her, at her side, smiling. She is begging to devil himself.

"Of course! I do, sir."

Dipper blushed this time. He was expecting that too but to yell it. He felt embarrass by it but he knew he was just loved so much.

Mabel's other half is gone.

"I announce this couple, husband and wife!"

As the priest announced, he stepped away to the right. Taking the man and woman have their sweet moment. The couple looked at each other, hearts in their eyes. Dipper brushed both of his hands on her cheeks, cupping them both. He leaned his forehead to her's, whispering.

"I love you, Pacifica."

Pacifica's hands lays at her gown, holding the flowers tightly. She giggled by the confession, she sighed dreamily.

"I love you too, Dipper."

With that they shared a gentle touch of their lips, a kiss.

*=*

Bill is at the front of the chapel, he ran away. He doesn't want to see them kiss. He was dead already. Yet, there was still a thread of hope, he still kept hanging on. He knew, he just knew. He took a breath in, taking the sweet air as he looked at the bell ringing and the melody of the band inside the chapel. With that he let the tears fall, but no sound came from his mouth. He sighed shakily.

He closed his eyes, remembering their times together. He will still keep hanging on. If there is hope, there is a chance. Even if he needed to wait forever. He would just for his man, his forever.

"I do, Dipper Pines."

*=*

Mabel was at the corner of the hall, everyone is by the altar congratulating the new wedded couple. Her smile turned upside down into a deep sorrowful guilty frown. She wanted to leave but she cant, that's her twin, her other half. It will be rude and Dipper will ask questions later. She sniffled. Letting the tears slid down her cheeks, nobody will notice. They are busy with the couple, taking pictures, congratulating them.

She clenched on her dress, throwing the bouquet at the floor. She didn't cared anymore. She was literally broken. She still can remember their memories together. Of her and Pacifica, getting into senseless arguments, fights but still friends until now. She wanted to be with her, she would wait for her turn. She would.

"I will, Paz. I do. ."

**Author's Note:**

> HEY GUYS! Hope you enjoyed the angst and feels! ;D


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